


THIS IS WHO WE ARE FIC NC-17 PLZ R&R LOL ^______^

by orphan_account



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-01-06
Updated: 2006-01-06
Packaged: 2017-10-05 00:54:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/35982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For svmadelyn's Badfic Challenge, at http://svmadelyn.livejournal.com/321001.html</p><p>Summary: Aliens make John, Rodney, Ronon, & Kavanagh into teenagers so they can form a boyband! But when "Pegasus Pop" sweeps the galaxy, will the burden of fame be too much for them? And with all those hormones, well. ;) Angst shmoop NC-17! Original songfic! (summary by thefourthvine).</p>
            </blockquote>





	THIS IS WHO WE ARE FIC NC-17 PLZ R&R LOL ^______^

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on the song "This is Who we Are" by Hawthorne Heights. I'm not a very good writer, but I love this story – please R&amp;R – constructive criticism rather than story-bashing. Thanks to [insert name of someone with only a passing acquaintance with the English language and a plethora of fucking annoying blinking user icons here] for the beta!!!!

_between the future and the past tense  
lies the present in the distance  
so you think we're never coming back  
Scoring points for passion and persistence_

In all honesty, Rodney had been suspicious of L'oeu P'rlm'n right from the start. He'd seemed so sincere – welcoming them to Tr'nsc'n (or M5N-688), offering them plenty of coffee and cocoa beans in trade, and he's not quite sure how it happened really, one minute they'd been admiring some particularly complicated looking c'ntr'cts – a kind of T'rnsc'nian literature – and the next Rodney (along with with Ronon, Kavanagh and Sheppard) was a teenager again.

And not just any old teenager, or even the brilliant misanthropic college student he'd once been, but a fucking singer. In a fucking boyband. L'oeu had earnestly pointed out that the c'ntr'cts they'd handled were not negotiable – once they were complete, he owned them totally. And he'd proved it by taking Rodney's cat hostage.

"You are the tough guy" L'oeu had said "The one with the slightly naughty air. Kavanagh is the clean cut boy that everyone's mother will love. Ronon is the cute slightly streetwise younger lead singer, and Sheppard is the charming flirt. It's a no-fail recipe for success. You'll be touring – starting with the E'ropa system, we'll start you on G'rmn'y – they love their boybands there."

_between the lines and the highway  
lies a dead you in the safety  
you never thought this was gonna last  
i always knew you'd never take it back  
i always knew (i always knew)_

Kavanagh sighed and leant against the window, watching the trees and the occasional light of a M'n'ch farmhouse. He'd left Atlantis once because he'd developed feelings for Ronon Dex (not that he'd told anyone that was the reason, of course). Feelings that weren't going away now that he was 17 again. Especially since they all had to journey around in this stupid vehicle the T'rnsc'nians had called a "T'r B's". The stupid T'r B's was about the size of a Winnebago and he had to spend all his time with these guys and he couldn't even have some privacy to take a piss in peace.

A rustling of fabric and a sharp intake of breath interrupted Kavanagh's thoughts. Fucking great. Ronon was jerking off again. Kavanagh looked over to see him - hand moving, just from the wrist, head back, breathing purposely slow. Kavanagh groaned and thumped his head against the window. This was hell.

_i know it seems like we're never coming back  
i know it feels like we're never coming back  
you tried your best and you knew it wouldn't last  
these were the words that she placed on her casket_

It was during the second chorus of "Girl, I really love you, girl" that it happened. Their teenage fans in M'n'ch were so much more frenzied than those elsewhere on G'rmn'y and a stampede had broken out during the bit where Ronon and Kavanagh had done the floor hump during the bit where they rhymed "girl" with "girl".

Three fans were seriously injured, and one died in the riot that followed Ronon's particularly fluid hip motions. Pegasus Pop were bundled offstage and back onto the T'r B's where Kavanagh tried to comfort a distraught Ronon.

"Thank you so much, Kavanagh" Ronon said, tears glistening in his chestnut eyes. "Why are you just called Kavanagh anyway, don't you have a first name?"

"Well then," Ronon continued, before Kavanagh could say anything "I'll call you BJ – every boyband should have one member with initials as their name"

"I like the name BJ," BJ blushed, and stammered "Not... not as much as I like you though."

"I like you too, BJ" Ronon said, almost shyly "In fact, I love you. Won't you be my boyfriend? I'll treat you good."

_between the sadness and the smile  
lies the flicker of the fire  
you always said this never hurt you  
i always said you were a liar  
with the all the towers and the wires  
there still lies a little silence  
two hearts and one connection  
one voice lets emotion out  
i always knew (i always knew)_

It was while Pegasus Pop, along with another boyband The Sideroad Boys, were being interviewed for one of G'rmn'y's international teen magazines, T'g'r B't, that Rodney finally figured it out. He'd been talking to Kevin Littrell, previously an elderly catfish farmer from M9I-980, now a pop star with a favourite colour of blue and a favourite drink of milk, when all of a sudden, his brain had flashed back to arguing with Zelenka about the power output fluctuations on the mainframe shielding, and he realised that not only did he used to be a 36 year old astrophysicist, he still should be a 36 year old astrophysicist and not a pop star with a collection of bandannas and a bad habit of using the word "crunk" in every other sentence, yo.

_instead of flowers like words they never mattered  
close it up forget about the sadness (close it up forget about the sadness)  
he always said she should of stop crying  
but he knew at least she was lying down_

John sighed as he watched Rodney scribbling furiously in his ever-present notebook. Rodney was kind of a weird person to have a crush on. Here, at 17, he was kind of skinny, with only his shoulders hinting at the solid, sexy man he'd become. Seventeen year old Rodney had plenty of hair, an ever present smirk and a way of staring at him that shocked him right down to his balls. Thirty-six year old Rodney was pretty much the same, though, only with less hair.

Rodney looked up at John, "I've got something I need to talk to you about." he said. John damped down the flicker of hope that had sparked at hearing those words.

"Remember how we all remember being older, and on Atlantis?" the tenor/scientist asked. "We need to get back there. We can't stay here, as much fun as it is to sing and perform synchronised dance routines with you and Ronon and BJ, we have lives back there. At least you and Ronon and I do. We have jobs, we have people relying on us, I have a Nobel Prize to win."

John nodded glumly, he knew Rodney was right, even if he'd miss being here with him like this. "What do you have planned?"

_I'm coming back (I'm coming back)_

The plan involved sonics and something Rodney had McGuyvered from a walkman and the T'r B's microwave-like appliance, but it had, once put into action had destroyed the c'ntr'ct (made from a combination of naquadah and parchment), and reversed the de-aging process and removed the cloudiness from their minds. It hadn't taken long for them to end up at the E'ropa system's Stargate, and then back to Atlantis.

Later that evening after Rodney had berated Zelenka for the lack of progress on the ZedPM recharger, the mess cooks for the meatloaf and himself for not figuring it out earlier, he retired to his quarters tired and cranky.

He opened the door to find John waiting for him.

"What are you doing here?" he asked "And why haven't I made some smartass remark about your hair yet?"

John just grinned and walked over to face Rodney. "I've finally figured it out. I'm sick of all this... this..." John waved his hand around vaguely, then dropped to his knees in front of Rodney.

"Jesus Christ" said Rodney, "Jesus Christ" and pushed his head back against the closed door after John nuzzled his cock.

"Mm mm?" asked John, as he unbuttoned and yanked at Rodney's pants. Rodney groaned as John stroked the inside of his thigh.

John said "I'm going to suck you now" .

Rodney could feel his palms sweating against the door, he didn't know whether to close his eyes or to watch as John licked at the head of his cock. He could feel John take the tip of him into his mouth, and he could feel it as John hummed happily. "Oh, John, oh, God, oh, yes" he babbled as he threaded his fingers through John's hair and moved them around restlessly. "John, John, are you humming what I think you're humming?"

John looked at him and smiled and went back to humming "Hello, hello, hello" Pegasus Pop's biggest hit, Rodney gasped and laughed and joined in and came when he got to the chorus.

**Author's Note:**

> I actually have no idea who Hawthorne Heights are. I kind of googled for bad emo pop and their song was on the first couple pages. Still haven't heard it to this day. Also unbetaed as I couldn't stand to actually expose anyone to this.


End file.
